so in love with SNOW

Snow is simply lovely. It definitely hits my list of "favorite things". Snow has the power to bring back so many fun, eventful, cold and important memories. I love that snow falls during the winter months; meaning snow seems set the stage for the holidays. Going to the Nutcracker without a snow blizzard is unheard of for me. Snowball fights, with my brothers is a long lived tradition. "Praying" for a white Christmas is routine now. And lucky for me, my wish usually comes true. Driving in the snow is challenging and a bit fearful. However, nothing is better than heat seaters, foggy windows with snowflakes and the breathtaking view of scenery covered in snow. Call me crazy, but snow is romantic. It requires cuddling, snuggling, laying by the fire, hot chocolate, and a visit to Temple Square. Looking out the window at a white world is refreshing and certainly peaceful. With no competition, snowflakes are my favorite thing to doodle. What's skiing, sledding, or ice skating without the snow? It's a must. Snow is gorgeous. And how brilliant it is that no snowflake is like another. I love that fact. The intricate world we live in was so graciously constructed... and snowflakes are one of earth's greatest gems. I just love the snow- that is all there is to it. Please keep falling. You have made my day delightful and have been the inspiration for this post today.

{ho ho ho}

....merry christmas....

that's all. i just wanted to wish everyone a very merry christmas.

don't worry blog, i haven't forgotten you...

it's just a crazy time of year.

a lovely post is soon to come your way.

one down. one to go.

dear lover in malaysia...

you have been gone exactly one year from today. can you believe it? time is the craziest element; if you would have asked me six months ago- i would have said it had felt like you had been gone forever. however, if you were to ask me today- i would say it feels like you left two days ago. regardless, i miss you. an insane amount. and if you only knew how much i love you. i just wanted to say congrats on being an amazing missionary. i am so glad that you are loving it out there. you are happier than you have ever been, and that's comforting to me. thank you for being you. i cherish our letters simply because they are our everything at the moment. i'm crazy about you and just can't seem to tell you enough how much i love you. one year down and only one more to go. good luck out there darling. "MLF".

silly obsession

if i could look like one person right now... it would be her. i am in love with her hair. bangs, bangs and bangs. i find it funny that the second my bangs are long enough to tuck behind my ear... i have a desire to cut them again. who knows if i will be brave enough to do it again. should i? i have a hair appointment next week... i am considering it. another leap of faith. thank goodness for silly obsessions- they bring little pockets of happiness my way.

"bad news bears"

this post is a bitter one. after a marvelous day in the city, my life seemed to have fallen apart in a matter of minutes. my phone was stolen- by a jerk who hacked onto my accounts and did nasty things. it turns out that i have strep throat- just my luck, right? (considering i am approaching one of the biggest and busiest weeks of my my life). and lastly... i find it ironic that exactly a year ago from tonight i was saying goodbye to my lover in malaysia. a sad goodbye. my life seemed to have fallen apart at that very moment too. however, i would take strep throat and a stolen phone over having to say goodbye to the one person you love most in life any day of the week. all in all- today was a bit unlucky, harsh and frustrating. I miss my phone, my health and most of all.... i miss my lover in malaysia.

day off.

it's the first day off in awhile. so, you bet your bottom dollar that i'm taking advantage of that. what better way to spend it than... in the city. it feels as though i haven't been for a visit in a long time. life is busy. i can't wait to spend the entire day with joe joe. i imagine we will eat lots of cookies and chocolate, drink too much diet coke, walk a mile or ten, visit castro, buy CHRISTMAS PRESENTS, walk down my favorite block of little stores, laugh constantly, gossip about nutcracker drama, take a peek at joe's wishes and want items in various stores and get together for dinner with an 'old' friend of ours. the day is just beginning my friends. i hope you have a happy monday.

curtain call

it's opening night! yikes. nerves are hitting me like crazy this year. why? I simply feel under rehearsed. the new lights make things seem impossible. my family is coming which always activates the butterflies in my stomach. and lastly, the pressure of a new role is quite intimidating. i love this time of year; and NuTcRacKer fuels my love. the music, the traditions and the dancing is magical. this year, i love that we are all friends. dressing room laughter is contagious, and feeling like everyone in my room is my best friend is a huge comfort. silly questionnaires, lots of m&m's, "gossiping", rapping to waltz of the flowers (L&N) and inside jokes have found their home inside our room. its lovely. what a great year. i'm happy for the curtain to go up tonight. performing is a passion. wish me luck. i need all that i can get! p.s. to all of you in the company who have made this year a blast.... thank you! i love you!

gobble. gobble. gobble.

Thanksgiving... Truly a time to thank and and a time to give. It is so lovely being home with those I love most. I simply just adore Thanksgiving. I love the food, the weather, the feelings shared, the traditions, the memories and the laziness of the holiday. Today, I am grateful for more than I could begin to list or express. I feel as though I am a lucky girl because my life is nearly perfect and I am so thankful for every little detail of every single day. My list begins with these things, but certainly doesn't end there. I'm thankful for...

My family of seven. Each one of them means to world to me. I am so thankful for the individuality each member provides to create the unique family we have. Our bond is everlasting.

My passion for life, learning and loving. I look forward to living each and every day because my life is simply lovely. I seek after knowledge because learning is a catalyst for change. Loving comes easy, because I love falling in love with life's gems.

My Savior. His encompassing sacrifice and victory is the reason I live, breathe and hope.

My lover in Malaysia. I'm beyond grateful to have discovered what falling in love feels like. I'm so thankful for his example, love letters and sense of humor. But most of all, I'm thankful that he loves me in return.

My moments of laughter. Usually shared with my friends. I'm blessed to have such wonderful friends who all mean the world to me.

My passion for ballet, movement, performing and silent expression. I love coming alive on stage, practicing and perfecting in the studio and the sensation of accomplishing goals.

I'm thankful for life. I really just love it.

Happy Thanksgiving to all.

anxiety

anxious: experiencing worry, unease or nervousness, typically about an event or something with an uncertain outcome.

(Oxford American Dictionaries)

I am...

anxious about life.

so much to do in so little time.

anxiously happy to go home this weekend.

counting down the seconds, actually.

anxious for opening night.

so nervous. unprepared too.

simply anxious for New Moon.

yes, I am obsessed.

anxious for the future.

one word... decisions.

anxiously in love.

now, that's a fact.

anxiously driving my car around.

why? my registration is expired. yikes.

anxiously 'hungry' for Thanksgiving.

traditions, family, yummy food and gratitude.

anxiously awaiting my happy ending.

not forgetting to mention- my prince charming.

i am simply anxious.

life has been crazy lately. crazy, in the sense that i don't know quite what to expect anymore.

i am left feeling nothing but anxious.

it's a happy feeling....

just one that comes with butterflies in your stomach.

busy in deed and thought.

what a week. can you say crazy? (actually more like weekend, considering i was still in bed earlier in the week.) so much went on; dressing up in costume at the state theater, rehearsal upon rehearsal, karaoke birthday party, photo shoot, extra hours of church, teaching at the Everet Elementary School, dentist appointment (stitches are out. yay!), 'loads' of laundry, and the list goes on.

however, this week was by far one of the most emotionally crazy weeks of my life. right at this very moment i feel as though i am standing in front of several paths which all seem to lead to a happy ending. so which one do i choose? (you tell me. please.)

being in pain and homesick this week made my phone calls home awfully lengthy; everything was carefully discussed, yet i am not one single step closer to making a decision of what life adventure to tackle next. i am beginning to think that the 'unknown' might just be the death of me.

my lover in Malaysia made me the happiest person in the world early Thursday morning. his email was endearing, promising, and literally perfect. i couldn't have asked for a better one. however, his words changed my plans in a sense. where now i am confused about when and what, yet never been so certain of who and why.

i have realized that timing is everything.

and right now... only time will tell what path of life i will choose to walk down.

(this post probably doesn't make any sense to anyone but me. i just needed to document it-simply because this week was life changing in a sense. I will write a 'better' one tonight. promise.)

pain, pain go away. come again another day.

dear pain in my mouth....

you are killing me. you have made these last few days nearly unbearable. please go away soon. really soon. i want to be "me" again. however, as the saying goes... "no pain, no gain". i have realized that i have taken for granted a few things as you have made my life miserable lately. this is what it comes down to...

i lOve sTraWs. and i can't use one for who knows how long.

(i seriously am obsessed with straws. I have hundreds at home- because i put one in every drink. i miss them.)

i've now called hOme at every hour of the day. my dAd as been a real saint through this.

he has managed to help and comfort me when being miles away. incredible.

i've taken for granted how lovely it is to be hOme when you are sick. I have been craving

my own BeD. huGs from mOm. and the security and comfort of simply being home.

you have no idea how much i miss sMilIng and LauGhiNg.

i don't feel like myself without those two elements.

"rule: no carbonated drinks for ten days." what!?! I haven't had a

DiEt CoKe in forever. not fair.

oh well, it has been a good thing for me. now, i might stand a chance at being able to give it up now. we'll see.

because of my lack of strength and constant pain, i have had to sit back and watch rehearsal. SO HARD.

I just want to dAnCe.

i would love to be able to sLeep through the entire night. i have missed dreaming.

i didn't realize how vital sleep was- until now. i feel crumby due to exhaustion.

lastly, i simply miss feEliNg gOod. one thing is for certain- i won't be taking pain

medicine for a long time. i have had too much. my tummy hurts. and my jaw kills.

i know you mean well, Pain. but, it's time for you to go. life is moving too fast now days for me to be stuck in bed. you have over stayed your visit- but because of that i have realized the true value of "the little things" in life. this is day 4. 4 is my lucky number. Maybe you could say farewell today and let me sleep tonight. it's been real; in fact these last four days have been a little too intense. take care. (frankly, i wont be missing you.)

love, me.

wisdom teeth.

yuck. I hope I never have to be put under again- weirdest feeling of my life. As my dad said to me...."Elease, that is the closest you will ever feel to being drunk." He is right- if that's what you feel like after drinking.... no thank you. I'm glad it's over. Laying in bed is a blessing in disguise; I haven't had a day off in what seems like forever. I just wish I could be at home in my own bed, with my mom and dad at my side. There is nothing worse than being sick away from home. I am coping though, thanks to my bestest friend, who is the world's greatest. Not so sure I will forgive him for filming me while being loopy... but as for everything else he treated me like a princess. He is a real gem. And who knows how I will ever pay him back for all that he does. Well, I figure I will be in bed all day tomorrow with nothing to do but blog. I can't wait. Hopefully I won't be in too much pain to think of something decent and worthwhile to say. As crazy as it seems.... I missed dancing today. I can't wait to get back into the normal routine.... and the thing I am really looking forward to- is eating. Pathetic, I know... but, I'm starving. My wisdom teeth are out- so my worries are gone, my dreams are in process and my fear of my teeth moving has vanished. I'll leave you with the fact that I have a love/hate relationship with the experience of the procedure. I'm certainly glad it's a once in a life time surgery.

p.s. why are they called wisdom teeth? just a thought....

'sole'mate

red shoes

let's face it- I have an obsession with red shoes.

Well, shoes, period.

ballet flats: my favorite everyday shoe. i am in love. (these are lovely-i live in them)

high heels: i really only wear them on Sundays. But, there is nothing like

putting on a pair of heels. i feel feminine and classy.

"kicks": i rarely wear tennis shoes. but these are my favorite.

cowboy boots: of course i have red ones. brown ones too. (mine are similar)

flip flops: i live in these during the summer. or when my feet

are covered in blisters. they make the ride home from dance bearable.

toms: my most comfortable pair of shoes. buy a pair today. you'll love them.

but, red shoes are my simply one of my favorite things.

I'd be embarrassed to tell you how many pairs I own.

Let's just say, I collect them.

If I could spend infinite money on one thing... it would be shoes.

(and maybe a purse or two)

i. love. shoes.

red ones are my signature.

BOO!

HaPpy HalLOwEen!

trick or treat.

have a spOoky night.

tag, you're it.

Well my friends, I've been tagged. Jules, bless her heart is responsible for the outcome of this post. I feel honored you picked me! I hope I can live up to your expectations of being a 'kreativ blogger'. (p.s. Julie, I love you and miss you more). I was flattered to receive the award, so thank you!

So, the rule of the award is to list '7 unknown things about myself, and then tag 7 others' to continue on with this creative chain of blogs. I'll do just that.

Here I go...

As a person, I am very sensitive. I hide it well, because I consider my sensitivity a 'weakness'. What people say to me or about me has a huge effect on my self confidence. Whether their comment be big or small... positive or negative... a compliment or criticism.... said to my face or behind my back.... I instantly analyze the connotation of what was said and evaluate myself accordingly. At times it is unhealthy- yet I learn so much about who I truly am. I have come to the conclusion that I am simply sensitive because I care so much about what people think of me or who people perceive me to be. My sensitivity triggers my bad habit of being a jealous little one.

Three temporal things I couldn't live without? 1. Jewelry. I wear it every day. I love it. Some of my pieces hold value, some don't. Some represent a memory, a promise, a loved one, or an event; while others are just fun trinkets. The way one accessorizes says a lot about a person. At least I think so. 2. I love food. Enough said. I am always eating, always craving goodies, and will never be able to lose weight because of my addiction. 3. Books. Books of all sorts. I love reading, learning, exploring imagination, and the feeling of being 'smart'.

Daily, I debate if falling in love easily is a weakness or a strength. A weakness because once you fall in love, your heart is vulnerable. A strength because your heart is big, easy to accept and open to love. Regardless, I am one of those hopeless romantics. I love love. I fall in love fast, get attached easily and dream passionately. I could watch a chick flick daily, read Pride and Prejudice over and over again, day dream of my wedding for hours, and cuddle and kiss my lover in Malaysia... and never grow tired of having the butterflies dance around in my stomach.

My heart belongs in Utah. With my family, of course. Having been born and raised in Salt Lake, I built the foundation of who I am; My morals, attributes, beliefs, mannerisms and traits are all rooted to the childhood I lived there. However, the experiences and trials that I have encountered while living away from home, have been the ones that have shaped and defined me as the person I am today. I'm lucky to have two backgrounds; each have had a monumental impact on my life.

I make the exact same wish every time the clock strikes 11:11. Read my horoscope every morning- without fail. I am superstitious. I lift my legs over every railroad crossing. Hold my breath through tunnels and past grave yards. I solute karma, because what goes around comes around. And lastly, I believe in fate... in the degree that God has a hand in all things.

No matter how close I am with a someone- no one knows the whole me. Why? Good question. I am a completely different person around my family. Completely different. I know that everyone says that they are different around their family- but I truly am. I am goofy, silly, crazy and confident. A person only my family has met. My mom often asks, "Are you like this with your friends?" And I always say no. In fact if my friends saw this side of me, they probably would go into shock.

My three biggest fears in life? 1. Throwing up. I can't do. I wont do. I hate it. You are lying when you say you feel better after throwing up. It haunts me, and always will. 2. Not ending up with my lover in Malaysia. I am in love- I have fallen hard for him. My heart is fragile and dependent on him; To have an ending other than "forever" would just shatter it. 3. Losing a loved one while living away from home. I wonder if I would be strong enough to cope with such a tragedy. I know I would beat myself up over the fact that I hadn't been with them during there last few days/months on earth.

Well, there you have it. I've been tagged and now "you're it!"

b

Life as a Helpless Dreamer

Erin Mckenzie Summers

Al

♥ Lindsay ♥

McKAYE

eric and kate

note to self.

"Life is good." I'm dumbfounded by the daily happiness I experience. Not until this point in life, have I been completely satisfied with every aspect of my life. Truly. Who knows why or how this sudden change, or rather blessing, happened upon my life... But, I hope it is here to stay.

Who knows- it could be the conquering of the deadly homesickness plague. In fact, I am scared to admit that Modesto is starting to feel like home. That's a given though, considering my memories, friends, adventures and stories from the last three years, have all happened right here. I guess it just the inner part of me who isn't quite ready to call Modesto my home. Maybe it's because my relationship with my lover in Malaysia is literally perfect. Fighting, jealousy, immaturity, and stubbornness are things of our pass. Today, we are in love. Completely happy knowing that our future awaits us with passionate dreams. Our relationship is currently based off of love letters, the sharing of our testimonies, and the anticipation for the 'weekly email'. Love is in the air. Oh, and I love that he always tells me, "as long as you are happy- I am too." Maybe that alone is what brought this happiness upon me. It could also be because of the change of outlook I have on ballet. Due to my soon to be decision in life, I have realized that some dreams of mine might come to a end. However, other dreams are about to unfold. Knowing that I might only have months left to dance- I am left feeling nothing but complete joy. I have realized that I have lived my dream of dancing. I am in reality- and my reality feels as though it is a dream. Funny how that works. I have also realized I must "dance like no one is watching", putting my soul into it- because the sensation of happiness I experience every day while dancing may soon be only a memory rather than a part of my daily routine. I have spent my entire life perfecting the art and the thought of giving it up is scary and saddening. However, I am content because I know that my sacrifice will be wroth it in the long run. My life may be good because of the future that awaits me. As I have never felt so unsure about anything in my life- I know that only good things will come about if I keep my head up high and believe in myself. Decisions are tuff- but they are a part of life. I am learning that I must do what I want to do. The product of happiness will only come if I do what is best for me. My family is closer than ever right now. It's unfortunate that I live here and they live there- I wish I was home to be a part of the memories. However, being away has made me realize just how much I take for granted when it comes to my family. They make me happy every day of my life- And knowing that our bond will last forever is reassuring. There again, I am overtaken by life's happy promises.

On a lighter note.... this happiness may have gotten the better of me through blessing me with the little things in life. Right now, I live in my "boyfriend" jeans, laugh often, visit Barnes and Noble daily, drink diet coke, connect with friends who are scattered around the world, paint my nails, crave pumpkin chocolate chip cookies and read like crazy. It's almost as though I am selfish in treating myself to such joy. I am happy. And as my lover in Malaysia reminds me often, that is all that matters. This post is awfully lengthy- but I had a lot on my mind; and so much to be thankful for. This was a well needed post. Simply a note to myself- documenting this, in hopes that I will be reminded of how lucky I am to be me. Being sincerely happy is one of my greatest accomplishments in life so far.

key point

piano

i love to play.

i love to learn.

i love to listen.

i love to create.

i love to perform.

i love to accomplish.

i love to practice.

The piano is obviously on my list of "my favorite things". How could it not be? Playing the piano is a staple of freedom, creation, perfection and joy in my life. I have grown to admire classical music (another one of my favorite things) through my love of playing the piano. I fell so close to myself when I sit down to play. Just me and the piano. A feeling I can't describe. Performing is a thrill, simply because it is the one thing that makes me the most nervous in life. I can't forget to mention my love for Chopin and Bach. Or my love for my mother who inspired me to play. Music always touches my soul. My inspiration as to why I chose to add "piano" to the list? Well, today I sat down at the piano and began playing. I was instantly overwhelmed by a feeling of gratification for the talent I have graciously been given to be able to learn, love and play. A talent I will hold close to my heart.

mlh

Hey you! Happy Birthday! Just last night I asked Him to give you a hug and a kiss today. I hope you received my little gift of love. I miss you, adore you and most of all love you. Have a happy birthday today. Live it up! You are only 21 once! And how jealous I am that you are celebrating it with the most amazing spirits- wish I could be there to dance upon the clouds with you. I miss your laugh, our memories, your curly eyelashes, our hugs, your advice and your gorgeous smile. However, I know that you are always with me... deep inside my heart. Thanks for the help and encouragement these last couple of months. I owe you big time! I still can say, you know me better than anyone. Our friendship is eternal. Your example of righteousness is infinite. I look up to you daily. I miss you more than these words can simply begin to express. Today is a happy day- you're 21! I can't believe it has been so long since we last saw each other. Just think of our next reunion; that'll simply be one of the best days of my life. I LOVE YOU.

{your} impact

because of you...

i love dancing, simply because you are my inspiration. i long to be skinny, tiny and prefect- just as you are. because of you, i have hope. I can handle self criticism, understand my imperfections and maintain my work ethic due to your example.

because of you....

i communicate daily in prayer. i humble myself to find strength. because of you, i try to always walk in paths of righteousness. I am eager to study and learn because i'm curious to discover your mysteries. my life's motives and goals are modeled after the example of your son. because of you, i am able to experience complete joy after wrestling with trials that you knowingly give me.

because of you....

i sleep with penguins. i cry tears of both joy and sadness. because of you, i have fallen in love. i love tuesdays, long distance mail, soccer games, steak, kissing and holding hands. i'm happy, hopeful and nervous because of our current situation of separation. because of you, i smile when i think of the future, look at our pictures or ponder about our memories and daydream about our soon-to-be memories.

because of you....

i am silly, love adventures, and car rides. because of you, i feel safety in knowing i have a best friend for life. i tell you my secrets, my thoughts, and share my laughter quite often with you. because of you, i am spoiled.

because of you (girls)....

i had the best summer of my life. because of each of you, i value friendship, inside jokes, pictures, stories and girl time spent in front of the mirror. i learned that you are my true friends, because i can be my complete self around you. because of you girls, i will be able to rely on friendships that will last forever. i know i can turn to you for a good laugh or a shoulder to cry on.

because of you....

i love to read. i set high expectations for myself. i love the gospel because i've grown up observing your example and testimony. because of you- i love diet coke, clusters of collectables, and i love being at home. i am grateful for our relationship, because you are my life.

because of you....

i am a dreamer, a lover and a go-getter. because of you the simple lessons of life are engraved on the back of my hand simply from watching you by way of example day in an day out. i am who i am today, because of you. i am strong, stable and secure.

because of you...

i love hummingbirds, wedding rings, perfume, and multi-colored yarn. because of you, i look forward to the life hereafter. i am gentle, elegant (most of the time, at least), and lonely-simply because i miss you. because of you, i love curlers, red lipstick tubes in there cases, pink candies, and the card game 'war'. because of your impact on my life, our memories are very vividly accessible in my mind.

inbox of happiness

Today is a hApPy day. Late last night I received the cutest email from lover in Malaysia. When reading it, I was overwhelmed by the butterflies dancing around in my stomach. I might just have to print this one out and frame it. It was that good. He is such a sweetheart. I am a happy girl, because of him. What a lucky girl I am, to call him mine. But knowing he is happy, is what makes me the happiest. I am in love. And love, my friends, is a happy thing.

tOdaY's hApPy mOmeNtS...

I played with the most adorable puppy while nannying today. They just got her; her name being skit-zit. We also decorated two jack-o-lantern cakes. What a blast. I love kids. I love cake. And puppies too. All happy things.

I gave into temptation.... and bought a Diet Coke today. I have tried giving it up. But it is nearly impossible. It simply makes me happy. It's sad to say it, but my days are always better if I enjoy a diet coke.

So... I bought the first Christmas present of the season. I can't believe it. I have never bought a Christmas present in October. I'm on top of it, I guess. It was a must have though. Midge is going to die (not literally) when she opens it. I can't wait. I love giving. It makes me happy. I also purchased a few Christmas gifts for my lover in Malaysia. I have to send his Christmas package off within the next week in order for it to arrive on time. Crazy right?

A special thanks to the worker at Costco who complimented me today. She made me smile. A happy smile. It quite possibly was the happiest minute of my day today. It made me stop and realize that there are beautiful people in this world- inside and out.

a text from b last night made me smile today when waking up. She made me remember the worth of "good" friends. I'm lucky to know our friendship will last forever. I have thought about her all day- hoping her life is a little less stressful and less overwhelming. (b, you are in my prayers. thanks for being an adorable friend. You contributed to my happiness of the day.)

Lastly, the morning started of with a fun photo shoot for the dance bag. Lots of laughs, giggles and jokes were shared. ballerina's simply rule the world. I am a happy ballerina. At least for now.

I hope you all recognized your happy moments today. Life's too short not to.

chocolaty goodness

nutella

I simply love hazelnut and chocolate.

Nutella therefore, is a perfect creation.

try it on wheat toast

dip pretzels

wonderful on waffles and pancakes

fruit. of course

delicious on a whole wheat tortilla with peanut butter

spread on graham crackers

The possibilities are endless,

These are just a few of my favorites.

shocking surprise!

What a lovely weekend.

My sweet mother came in town for a visit.

A surprise visit, matter of fact.

A shocking surprise.

I walked across stage to find her hiding.

I screamed out of complete shock. Than cried (a little) out of pure joy.

We embraced naturally, because I belong to her.

Thank goodness I'm hers and she's mine.

I'm a lucky girl.

It was wonderful to spend time with her. too wonderful.

We stayed busy. took on adventures in San Francisco. and talked the nights away.

Oh! We also made my seasonal favorite- pumpkin chocolate chip cookies. yum.

I love her.

Thank you for the perfect surprise.

I was in desperate need of some "mom time".

Every minute of my weekend was a busy one.

The performances went well.

It was a real treat to have Midge in the audience.

lovely merde gifts; flowers, pearls and a beautiful orchid.

thanks to Midge and the best friend.

Due to the business... I skipped a few days of blogging.

I missed it.

I'm back now.

I'll play "catch up" tomorrow. Good night.

p.s. Mom- I'm sleeping under the sheets tonight.

love on stage.

We are performing the epitome of a love story this weekend.

Romeo and Juliet.

lovely ballerinas, lovely talent and simply a lovely story.

'history', in fact.

I am reminded of the essence of love whenever I perform, read or watch

Romeo and Juliet.

How lucky I am to have the ability to fully love others.

and how humbled I am to be loved in return.

Love is a splendid thing.

it is all around.

I can only thank Shakespeare himself.

Juliet is an innocent inspiration.

Romeo is a passionate lover.

I am in love. In love with ballet. life. and of course "my Romeo".

it's raining, it's pouring.

r a i n

It's a given that rain is one of my favorite things. Rain is refreshing, brilliant, and lovely. Yesterday, it literally rained from the moment I woke up to the moment I went to bed. Non stop. A dark and gloomy day, but certainly a gorgeous one. The winds were howling. The air was wet and cold. The streets were flooded. And umbrellas and rain boots received their debut.

Yesterday's rainy day is what inspired this post, that I will continue to add to as my life lives on. Subject.... "My Favorite Things". Not a shocker, that rain is on the list- let alone the first thing. I love rainy days, running through puddles, wearing rain boots, and cuddling up inside. Whether it be a down pour or a light summer rain, I love it all.

However, I have two very specific reasons for falling in love with the rain. The first being, that the earth receives her shower. The world is extra gorgeous the day after a rain storm. It looks hydrated, greener, smells fresh and literally glows. I'm always stunned by the beauty of the earth after it's cleansed by a storm. Pure beauty.

My second reason being that my brain is flooded with memories on rainy days. Why? Simply because I have had glorious moments during rainy days. Let's be honest, we all know it's every girl's fantasy to fulfill her dream of kissing in the rain. How lucky I am to say I have fulfilled the aspiration. More than once, actually. One of my favorite memories to this day is the time that I kissed my-lover-in-Malaysia in a down pour. High school days, outside my house, leaning on his car. We were soaking wet. Not wanting to ever say goodbye that night in fear that that moment of sheer perfection and love would end.... reality hit when I went inside and found myself peeling off my wet jeans and wringing out my soaking wet hair. A night that will always be remembered. Better yet, it's a night he has chosen to keep in his memory box as well.

Who knows, maybe I love the rain because I love him. It's comforting to know when on rainy days we both think of each other. Miles away, the one thing we still have in common is our memories; And our rainy ones seem to be the best.

I love you RAIN. And I love you, lover-in-Malaysia.

{personal} post

This post is simply for me. For my benefit and satisfaction. I just needed to "write it down" so I could say it was documented. Things are always more powerful when reiterated on "paper".

I am going.

Be strong.

The battle is just beginning.

Change is on its way.

Stick to the decision.

Tomorrow is a new day; a new way of viewing things.

Be happy.

'Now' is the time.

Get to work.

Wow. That felt good. What a relief. Mission accomplished.

no matter how small

Not too long ago, my wise teacher said, "A show is a show, no matter how small". Meaning if there is only one person in the audience... it is a performance. The same performance if there were 1,200 people in the audience. Not only that, but the quality of your performance shouldn't change. Just because there is only one person watching, doesn't mean you can water down the show. Give it your all, %100 of the time. How true.

Her words have been dancing around in my head these last few weeks, as I have come to the realization that that basic concept simply applies to the aspect of living life. We are always putting on a show. Whether it be the way you say hello; a hand wave? or the tone of voice. The outfit you choose to wear. The speed you choose to walk. The people you choose to surround yourself with. The attitude you portray. Your weight. Your make-up. Your hairdo. Your mannerisms. And the list goes on. Life is one big show. Simply because whether you are in a classroom, walking down a one way street, in a ballet studio, hanging out, dancing on a stage, ordering food, meeting someone new, sitting at work, using your phone, telling a secret.... people are watching your every move. there is always one, if not many watching your life show.

My brain is crazy, I know. But, my life has drastically changed ever since I have viewed my life as a "show". I am cautious of my every move. I am slow to judge, and quick to observe the "performances" of other's. I am learning more than ever right now; about myself. But, also about those around me. I can honestly say I have been oblivious to so many details in the lives of those around me. I have also realized how often I examine someone's action and then given time, I mimic their way of doing something. How strange. We all learn from each other. We also all feed off of each other. Our lives truly are performances, whether we are watching ourselves in the mirror, or whether those around you are in attendance to your one man show.

Attend the "performance" of someone else's life; observe and learn. Or be mindful of the "performance" you cautiously choose to showcase on a regular basis. I promise your life will be changed for the better. Mine has. There is no ticket price, 'will call', opening nights or balcony seats. In fact, tickets are free, front row seats only, and your choice of show is unlimited. Be mindful of those you choose to watch. When doing so, don't judge. Only grow. And always remember, "A show is a show, no matter how small."

picture found here

Bucket List

read along if you please.

I would love to hear some of your 'bucket list' ideas. please share.

this is my way of remembering all the mighty adventures

I must tackle, enjoy and accomplish before my days are over.

my rough draft, compass and and blue prints to life.

.... here i go ....

{wish me luck}

travel the world. literally.

live in New york. again.

lay in bed the entire day, with my future husband to be.

jump rope around the block

visit my 'friends' in Laval, and say thank you for opening my eyes to the world.

play 18 holes of golf

go rock climbing. the real deal

hike to see the sunrise.

pray at the wall in Jerusalem

dance on an empty stage.

run into someone famous on the street.

complete a double front flip off the low dive.

serve a mission. now or later. or both.

attend a ballet that ends with a real "encore".

create a family. meaning, have children.

honeymoon in Italy.

pull a prank. a good one.

read a book a month. at least.

backpacking trip- here I come.

plant a garden. of my own.

wear a pair of high heels from the minute I wake up, the the moment I fall asleep.

host a party. a big event.

speak another language. fluently.

learn to enjoy running.

graduate college

discover a new talent.

get married. of course.

step foot on a wakeboard.

convert those closest to me.

explore photography. if not become a photographer.

a concert pianist? just maybe.

perform a card trick

visit Norway. a dream destination of mine.

do five pirouettes on pointe.

chop my hair off. a drastic change.

see the Mona Lisa. at the Louvre.

write a letter to everyone whom I adore. and love.

purchase a real designer purse.

live in Europe.

head to Australia. vacation.

pull off my dream wedding. it will done, as long as I marry the man of my dreams.

work closely (maybe a profession) with those suffering from down syndrome.

reconnect with old friends. a reunion.

fly in a private jet.

see the great wall of china with my own two eyes.

Get rid of every ounce of pride and guilt that's locked up inside of me.

be an extra in a movie. one with a line or two.

kiss on the Eiffel Tower. a proposal would be nice, too.

slow dance in the middle of a crowded street.

visit an orphanage.

paint a picture. one worth framing.

own a house with a white picket fence.

attend a high school reunion. Go East High! class of 07'.

free fall from a bridge.

Tell my future husband to be that I love him every single day.

conquer a major fear of mine.

Live at home. again. for awhile this time.

taste gelato in Europe.

discover a 'hole in the wall' restaurant . eat there often.

finish my scrapbook.

sew a quilt by hand.

eat something totally bizarre.

donate money to a charity.

attend a yankees and red sox game. (red sox fan, just fyi)

deliver a motivational speech.

buy a puppy.

visit the shores of Antarctica just to be amongst penguins.

ride an elephant.

go scuba diving.

raise my kids up in the gospel of Jesus Christ.

having possession of my grandmother's wedding ring. love it.

kiss under a waterfall.

keep my eyes open the entire tour of a haunted house.

participate in humanitarian work in a third world country.

accomplish a dream. no matter how silly or small.

take an anatomy class. I'm fascinated with the human body.

for old times sake, get together with the girls for one last "freeze out"

be an owner of my dream car. the cabriolet. Volkswagen.

meet Mikhail Baryshnikov.

attend the Olympics. when hosted in another country.

dye my hair brown. just to try it.

come out on top of a major trail or tribulation.

drive to the end of a rainbow.

worthily go through the temple.

frequently write a pen pal.

learn and perform Chopin's "Fantasie" Impromptu, Op. 66.

.......to be continued.....

picture found here