shout out

dear tara....

i literally just got off the phone with you two seconds ago. i immediately opened my laptop to compose a little love letter to you, simply because i can't seem to tell you enough how much i adore you. you are the love of my life. at times i feel like i am the luckiest person in the world due to your constant care for me. you make me laugh like no one else. you also make me feel like i am the most important person in your life; which certainly i could never hold that title. however, your ability to make me feel that way is certainly recognized and valued. i'm determined that we knew each other up in heaven. we are soul mates. or maybe even sisters. all i know is that we go way back and will continue to have an infinite relationship. we'll always snack on salami, mommy's homemade granola and meals consisting of quinoa. we'll always reflect on fish bowl/dressing room #9 moments and memories. {trips to the poo closet, leticia, "gwant", hairspray, "why so serious?" and much much more.} we'll never stop laughing over phillip's mannerisms, zach's psycho-ness and rene's ability to trip over air. we have had quite the lifetime of laugher, bonding, jokes, hugs and life changing conversations. a simple conclusion? you have changed my life for the better. you will be at my wedding- that's a fact. you will be my kids favorite friend- that's a given. you will be the one i turn to advice no matter how many miles are between us. needless to say you will always be a part of my life. i love you more than you know. i'm blessed by our friendship and wouldn't trade it for the world. i'm so happy you are where you are. you inspire me to be smart, outgoing, non judgmental and most of all- you inspire me to be who i am. words can't begin to express how much i love you. i'm already looking forward to our next chitchat. infinite x's and o's.

love, me

Cheers, to Happiness!

remember this? well my friends, it is time to create a new little list. so here you have it. it's pretty accurate to say that i am the happiest i have ever been. happiness is bursting at my seams, literally. here's a glimpse at just a few of the simple things that produce my happiness....

1. feeling completely content. life has literally been that good lately.

2. leaving the studio after a hard days work; feeling beyond accomplished and exhausted.

3. my reunion with cheesecake. just a slice. however, dining with my best friend was the best part.

4."simply.... falling in love."

5. hour long conversations every night with someone I care deeply about.

6. the drive to work. long, indeed. but, it's my only time to truly think.

7. the sense of feeling overly spontaneous. that's new to me.

8. good news: cadbury eggs just hit stores for the season.

9. the satisfaction of looking down at my wrist to find a watch. a new love of mine. telling time is timeless.

10. realizing i am still so young even though i feel ancient.

11. my relationship with my mother. one to last an eternity.

12. surprisingly, san francisco has been monumental for me lately. something about the city that creates new dreams, new love, and new memories.

13. the thrill of going for triples. i fail more than i succeed. but the instant butterflies of nerves in my stomach, make me do it over and over again.

14. as ironic as it sounds, recognizing that i am happy.

15. sharing my life with someone again. every detail and every minute.

16. i've come to master hope; hoping for a lovely future full of all the right decisions. the decisions i am so scared to commit to right now.

this list may seem more serious than the last. that's because it is. life is different at the moment; and i love it. happiness is recognized by defeating trials, hardships and rocky roads in life. my life may be seriously hard right now, but i've come fond of the happiness created by opposition.

have a happy weekend.

{commitment}

"Until one is fully committed, there is hesitancy, the chance to draw back; an ineffectiveness concerning all acts of initiative and creation. There is one elementary truth, the ignorance of which kills countless and splendid plans: that the moment one definitely commits one's self then providence moves to. All sorts of things occur to help one that would never otherwise have occurred. A whole stream of events issue from the decision, raising in one's fate all manner of unforeseen incidents and meetings and material assistance which non could have dreamed would have come their way. Whatever you can do or dream you can, begin it. Boldness has genius and magic in it. Begin it now." -Goethe

a bold word and action; commitment.

this quote hits home. commitment in all things is a huge part of life:

relationships, friendships, jobs, responsibilities, aspirations, duties, etc.

one must be committed to their word, their thought, their promises.

I am now committed to being me and certainly

committed to those who hold value in my life.

a special thanks to him who sent me this quote via text today.

peeved

I feel somewhat bad for doing this- but I can't help it. I must voice my opinion because it seems as though they are popping up more and more.... they being white/cream pea coats. I can't stand them. Harsh, I know. To me, white is a spring and summer color. Don't you know the saying, "Don't wear white after labor day"? I feel it looks a little odd to be wearing thick tights, boots, heavy sweaters, wool skirts and then choose to top it off with a white pea coat. See why they clash? Maybe not. Or maybe I'm just going crazy. Friends, if you are reading this post and are "guilty" of owning one... don't be mad. I have nothing against you. In fact, I still love you. I just have a slight annoyance with the whole white pea coat in the middle of winter. Who knows why I felt so inclined to write this post... but it was a must. I saw one too many white pea coats at the play tonight. I'm glad I've come clean of my newest pet peeve.

But wait! there is one exception. and only one.

can you guess it?

Cameron Diaz in "The Holiday".

That's it.

simple advice

interestingly enough... lately, i've been given some one liners that have left me feeling like i have room to grow, learn and explore. yes, the advice is simply and short. for me, right now, i need "simple and short". life is complicated and these have given me hope. as you read them, it's my hope that you may gain insight on how to view a part of your life with a different set of eyes.

"always remember who you are"

from a loving mother

"follow your HEART"

from my "sister"

"don't be sheep"

from teacher of perfection

"be happy. smile."

from too new to name

"trust in the Lord."

from lover in Malaysia

"your brain and your heart aren't always on the same page."

from my second mother

"do what's best for YOU and only you."

from a concerned father

"i love you"

from a persistent best friend

"live your dream"

from a singer in Santa Monica

"Give em' hell out there"

from a believing dad

"dance pretty"

from an encouraging mom

"it's time that has taken my todays and turned them into yesterdays"

from a song of the past

believe it or not; no matter how small or silly these may seem, they have had a great impact on me. i'm thankful for those that love me enough to share their secrets to life. if you have a one liner... do share. advice is timeless. thank you very much.

lucky number 5

ever wonder why or how certain things just come to be? or how it just so happens that you manage to land upon a pocket of perfect bliss? or how someone seems to step into your life at the exact time you needed them? what about when you discover something so real its unreal? or the power of when you are sharing a moment with someone while doing nothing, yet it means everything to you? these questions seemed to have captured my mind this past weekend. i feel at a lost for an explanation of exactly what i'm feeling. however, a few WORDS might do the trick.

in just the past "20 days"....

number five; it's a lucky number now. cravings of "SUSHI". sherlock holmes- more like jude law... but shhh!. 5:00 A.M. new years eve.... however, it all began shortly after Christmas. the IPHONE. "what ifs". wedding reception. red box. candle. MUSIC. realizing timing is everything. bowling a 156 baby. the unknown. "the white night". ichat. secrets. weekend in SAN FRANCISCO; couldn't have been happier. memories. conversations worth remembering. 2010. chewing gum and burts bees. attempting to learn a few words in a new language- most meaningful one being Обичам те.

the list could go on into details. but i think i'll keep them secrets for now. hope you aren't reading this right now- I would be completely embarrassed. i've debated blogging about this for many days now. but, i finally broke down because i realized "it" is a big part of me right now; too big to neglect. all i know is that this appears to be the beginning. lots to come. its a big year. am i scared? you bet. but its all a risk i am willing to take because.....

"the greatest risk in life is risking nothing at all."

-author unknown.

lovely obsession

This is another little obsession of mine. I couldn't tell you how many times I have watched it. Joe makes fun of me for it. But, who cares- I'm in love with it... music and all.

chAnge

Well friends, it's that time of year. A time to change. Resolutions, goals and dreams seem to occupy most of my thoughts. Yes, it is already January 10th... which only means I have finally found the time to sit down and compose.

believe it or not, NO diet coke. (at least for awhile)

"cardio" will soon be my middle name

one word= READING. planning on reading book after book

moon walk on pointe. (love you MJ)

a small act of service a day. ("what have I done for someone today?")

swearing will come to an end.

plan a crazy trip this summer.

love my 'enemies'.

capture moments in pictures.

dedicate at least a half hour to studying the gospel every day.

only triple pirouettes.

eat lots of sushi.

maintain and strengthen the relationships with those I love most; Cautiously making an effort to see what I can do for them.

simply smile. be happy.

and last but not least...

figure my life out. huge decisions to make this year.

My list isn't great, impressive or too ambitious. But, my list is my list. I hope I live up to my expectations. 2009 was a lovely year; it couldn't have been better. I'm hoping for a happy, healthy, fun and pivotal year. Cheers to 2010!

"you"

love this. it's simply is how i feel right now at this very moment. i feel as though life decisions have been thrown at me waiting for me to strike out or hit a home run. I'm hoping for base hits and home runs only. a recent realization of mine that has been pivotal for me... has been the fact that no matter how hard I seek out the advice and help from others, ultimately the decision i make must be my very own. it's all up to me. as much as i doubt it- i'm the only one who truly knows what's best for me. never have i been one to rely on only myself for the best outcome. it scares me. but as this quote says... i am who i am. true to myself. there is no one alive who is just like me. how comforting that is. wish me luck as i hope that you will realize how special you are.

{2010}

Can you believe it?! Two thousand and ten?! I am happy to say that the new year is already off to a good start. To be honest, New Years is my least favorite holiday. The anticipation which often leads to a let down just kills me. However, this year was a blast; Thank goodness for awesome friends, creating memories, laughter and the unknown. As for my resolutions...? I'll have to get back to you on that one. That will require a bit of serious thinking. As for right now? I am just going to live it up these last four days at home and hope for the best. Happy New Years! Let's make it a good one. CHEERS!