eye see the world

this post may be a bit overwhelming due to it length and level of seriousness. for that i apologize. however, big heart is the one to blame. he gave me the topic, and my brain ran wild. read it, only if you wish. and prepare yourself- because your eyes are about to gain insight on a new piece of me.

child: i was young, therefore i saw the world through innocent eyes. no corruption had taken place. i spent my days make believing and creating the world before me. my biggest fear in life was forgetting to say "thank you". why? because that was the only expectation of my parents at the time. i was completely carefree and happy. not a single worry in the world. the only thing i remember about how i viewed the outside world as a child, was through the way of others. i was one to live by way of example. i was a follower. i mimicked the moves of everyone around me. i understood the importance of respect, manners and being polite. i wanted to grow up so quickly. silly huh? considering now i would give anything to go back to the days of unshaved legs, french braids, night games, not wearing an ounce of make up and a day full of play. i imagine my eyes were always wide open; always ready for adventure, fun times and the unknown.

high schooler: i saw the world through self centered eyes. as i believe many teens do. it was as if nothing else mattered but the crowd i hung out with, the time of the football game friday night, or being in with the latest gossip. at times i view this as a fault or regret. but, can you blame me? i mean, at that point in life, i was free of true responsibilities. let's face it- the hardest decision during those four years, was picking out an outfit to catch my crush's attention. i was so naive. my life was spent chasing time; school, dance, homework... repeat. i knew nothing else. now, i somedays wake up wishing i could have my scheduled days back. the easiness of knowing exactly what i was going to do each and every day before i even woke up. i was satisfied and certainly content. i also saw the world through sensitive eyes; when experiencing high school i was introduced to a world so foreign to me. i quickly discovered true friends and true colors... support and backstabbing. i suddenly felt vulnerable to failure of acceptance; a desire, rather demand, to always fit in. as i reflect back on the days, i was emotional-due to the pressure of living up to all expectations; good grades, the will to please my parents, succeeding in ballet, prepared for piano lessons and the list goes on. everything seemed to be a bigger deal than it really was. which, that fact alone, often reflects why my eyes seemed to only capture dramatic moments. when it comes to love? back then i thought i was in love. several times, actually. i thought i had found my prince charming and happy ending with each boyfriend of mine. what was i thinking? i was 16, for crying out loud. love was easy, fun and in a sense- shallow. my eyes were rapidly changing lenses; simply to try to keep up with the constant change and growing up I so naturally adapted to. those four years happened in the blink of an eye. in fact its weird to picture me as an innocent freshman, braces and all, to a graduating senior of 07'. never has my outlook on life changed so rapidly during a given amount of time. graduating early is proof to such a statement. needless to say, i was over high school long before most of my friends were. (and unfortunately still are). i am a changed person because of the period in life.

ballerina: my eyes are those of a dreamer. i envision nothing but aspirations, tutus, personal image, choreography, performing, pointe shoes, discipline and a pure technique. my eyes as a ballerina are very self critical. get real- i spend hours in front of a mirror analyzing my every move and my every inch. i tear myself down, daily. there is a demand to be perfect, therefore i am a perfectionist. my eyes have been opened to a world of competition. the ballet world is quite vicious, and because of that- i am a go getter. as a dancer, i have a discovered a true passion that is embedded deep within my heart. a passion that others are incapable of experiencing. my eyes are full of respect for those who have mastered the art, leaving a legend to follow. i am a worker. a hard one. i am simply dedicated."the only place where 'success' comes before 'work', is in the dictionary." because of my "profession" i view the world as if it hold endless opportunities; there is always room to grow, learn, achieve, believe, conquer, try, and dream. watch out, here i come.

daughter of God: my eyes hold value. i am a daughter. i recognize my worth in His eyes. because of my beliefs, i have a purpose in life. as of late, i have realized the true value of life itself. in fact, it is often overwhelming to fully grasp the concept of my religion. here i am caught up in all things temporal, and yet they don't matter in the end. my list of priorities is determined by my place in the here after. because of this, i am obedient. as a daughter of God, my heart acts as my eyes; my internal emotions and beliefs are what compose my viewpoint. accepting the sacrifice and victory offered by my innocent brother, i view his act of selflessness through eyes beaming with gratitude and humility. therefore, i am forever faithful.

lover: within the past year, i have explored the dimensions of love. true love, is something so new to me. a powerful emotion often time impossible to fully depict. as mentioned above, i recognize that my love in the past as been somewhat shallow, only because i now know the underlying powers behind a sincere love. it wasn't until i experienced complete agony from being separated by the one i loved to fully grasp love in its upmost value. as a lover, my eyes are tender. i am vulnerable to heartbreak . as a lover my eyes are passionate. my heart is big. as a lover my eyes are self giving. i acknowledge the importance in sacrifice. as a lover my eyes are adoring, caring and accepting. most importantly, through trial and error, i have learned a loyalty is a quality every lover must possess. in deed, i am a loyal lover. i now know that love is real. i am experiencing one of the happiest moments in life right now. i know now, that i truly AM in love with my prince charming.

now: its apparent that i own several sets of eyes. some moments i am looking through the lens of just one pair. the view is sometimes clearer that way. however, often times i look through all of them at once. this creates the world as i see it today. i am a follower. i am naive. i am a perfectionist. i am dedicated. i am a daughter. i am faithful. i am a loyal lover. i am many things because of the outward experiences i journey through each day. my view of my existence in the world is at constant change. as i grow up, i find more value in each aspect of my life. i'm happy to know that each day is a new day for a new set of eyes. the way you choose to view each and every day determines your outcome to success, love and joy. as of now i am living in the moment. why? because that is the only way to truly follow the desires of your heart.